to be love...

A true poem

2012-01-27T22:02:00.000+05:30

“I fall upon the thorns of life- I bleed” said Shelley

I have to say, Iwrite exams- I cry

I have respectfully mourned the loss of Brit lit-2 foralmost a day

That went with the wind

And each time I think about it

I know it is more far than I wrote

“Poetry is recordingmind’s growth” Yeats said

And Ezekiel followed it

Now, Jessy follows Ezekiel

I'm determined to capture the growth of my mind

With MA English literature

I can write assignments

Make presentations

When it comes to end sem exams

They scared me

With such a fright that I could only cry

I alienated myself

I disconnected my feelings

And tried to live like a zombie

Trying not to think of God

Hardening my heart

Hoping that I could give commands to my brain to study

Like a master to a robot

I was successful in a way

I thought of God only during mass and before I slept

But that thought was a one , one and a half thought

I wept in bed

Perplexed what came over me

Why I am scared to face an exam

A feeling I’ve never known

Maybe I’ve thought that God was a lucky charm

Used him to feel secure

God is a not a luck or charm

He is not a dustbin for my insecurities

Or maybe he takes myfears and consoles

I like the way He says “ exams are not the end of the world”

I brainstormed to find out what went wrong with Brit Lit- 2

I felt miserable

I was wrong

Slowly it came to me

There are many things I take for granted

Expect words to flow

As my pen touches the exam paper

Now, I’m a little rusted

Plus

Lazy to write

How can words flow?

Then I began to write

It was difficult

But I tried words began to flow again

I got stuck and then I got scared

I fear if I’ll remember what I read

I have read that fear is a illusion

‘Maya’ The way Sita was anxious about Rama

I can’t let this fear overcome me

I have to write and practise

Till it flows again

And the gentle gurgle of words upon the answer sheet

Will make a sweet song

And delight!

I have to do what I fear

And hope that the fear will depart

It is like my faith journey

Facing my worst fears slowly day by day

And I’m afraid no more

I’m not troubled if words will flow tommorrow

I’m not sure if it will

I should not care much about that

I concern myself with the present

Reading poetry

Critical essays

Recall the stories

Put them in my own words

And speak my mind

I’m not at peace

There is something amiss

Pause, think

I cant find it

I only pray for the grace to write

Truthfully

Sincerely

Lovingly

And make a prayer like St Augustine

“Let me know myself….. Let me lovethee”

( a poem by Jessy Akkara James, My good friend. Published with permission.

he he..

2012-01-08T14:39:00.002+05:30

"evanoa oruvan vaasikkiRaan...iruttilirundhu naan yaasikkiRaen

thavam poal irundhu yoasikkiRaen adhaith thavaNai muRaiyil naesikkiRaen"

I don't search for her any more.

She had been lost.

good for me.

Good bye.

I wish to say that to you every day.

Good bye.

A Thing Of Imperfection Is A Joy Forever.

2011-12-08T08:30:00.001+05:30

A day

That changed my life

Hatred churned and made me evil

I knew I was becoming mad with pressure

Nothing could console me, my best friend messaged

Guilt does not come from God

Okay, I messaged back

Friend, a true friend he is

In spite of this,I sulked

Memories double strength when they hurt

Purposefully I chose to not give myself any hope

Eternally I was apologizing

Returning like a dog to its vomit

Forever I am doomed I thought

Every day the same excuse

Cursing my mother for my faults

Tormenting

I will never improve

Only write poems that are

Nonsense

I know

Somewhere

A flicker

Jerks my insides, I remember the days of

Old

Young

Feebleness

Orientated me to trust my God – “The

Rogue, who on the cross

Ever innocent, mutilated himself

Voicing his love for me

Ever perfect, I am a thing of Imperfection a joy

foRever

( a poem by Jessy Akkara James, My good friend. Published with permission.

Bright eyes

2011-11-29T14:59:00.001+05:30

For Sherin who always reminds me about the light at the end the tunnel.

“And if I told you that I loved you

You'd maybe think there's something wrong

I'm not a man of too many faces

The mask I wear is one

Those who speak know nothing

And find out to their cost

Like those who curse their luck in too many places

And those who fear are lost”

- Sting, Shape of my Heart.

A mixture of colors reflected in her eyes, as she ferociously read through a mysterious book. The lights journeyed from near and far, But they made their way into her eyes.

She had a few more hours in her hand before she reached her destination. As her train was moving ahead there was a sense of anxiety in her, A few questions were running in her mind.

These questions always haunted her just before she could sleep, and they also caused her nightmares. She was with her family but it did not seem that way. She was in her own world. Wondering about crucial issues that the world faced, which included the recent break up that she had experienced. Also the state of her friends, bothered her a lot.

She had many friends, and they were an integral part of her world. Her friends were all unique and the one thing that always haunted her was that they had nothing in common.She had already spent a fews years trying to figure out at common streak in all of them but expect the fact that were somehow friends nothing really came up.

Wondering about the journey ahead she wished for the company of her friends. As she always had a good time with her friends every time they travelled together. She had the kind of upbringing that people would always dream of. Loved and pampered by all.

Remember how we grew up in stages and act stupidly at constant intervals, yup the same thing that makes us human. At the next station, She observed how there were people eagerly waiting to get into the train and some people were waiting for the next train. Life is a journey is it not?

Now there lived a certain someone in this state, whom she had forgotten, or as Ambika would say this certain someone was living rent free in her heart and mind. There was a chill in her spine when suddenly she thought of him. It had been a few years now that they spoke to each other. Love has this gift of memories that pour out in our hearts each time we feel special, that includes this silence that she was experiencing at the moment.

She wanted to sleep but could not, the memories kept coming back. She wanted to weep but did not know what others will think about it. Whose fault was it, well lets just say that both wanted to be politically correct and both had their way. And now she was lonely with a new bunch of friends. These days she started finding joy in her

She decided to continue reading the book that she had but the light was not sufficient and time was moving slow. The destination was approaching and she was a little anxious. She always believed that things happen for a reason. But now she could not see that reason anymore, And that is how the lights made their exist just as they arrived.

Good bye.

2011-11-03T12:34:00.001+05:30

at 12:26 pm IST
i realize that its not worth it

i will...

quit.

Stories of many heart's.

2011-10-13T23:20:00.001+05:30

From a blank parking lot

of a call center,

Where frustrated individuals wait for

Their cabs to find some rest.

Questions arise that won't

let me sleep.

They haunt me till late in the afternoon,

And then for a while,

I sleep.

Dreaming about stories that were

My routine once.

Stories, oh how they excite you

You seem to forget that they are packed

With propaganda and marketing tricks.

our on-screen time has to be a scared space.

We now live in many realities.

Meaning is all mixed up.

And these tales have,

Only misery in them.

how do stories come into being?

how did the story of the "story" begin?

did it also have beginning, middle and end.

story ends.

Every day at 3 AM

I remember her.

There is a urge to listen,

to be in love.

to give it all once again.

to live in different time zones.

to check if there is a mail in the inbox.

to remind about the glass of milk.

to put you to sleep in silence.

It hurts everyday,

It really does I am not exaggerating.

Loved ones can hurt better than enemies.

The wounds that they leave have scars that wont fade.

Happy to let you know that

I am still lost.

who ever finds me,

will get a reward,

me.

there is a mask on the table,

right in the middle,

that's the one you wore today.

there are many masks

that you carry on your backpack,

and for emergencies you have a few

which are handy in your head.

and now you will blame your

circumstances that compel you

to wear them.

Forgot to mention that You and I

are doing a good job.

We have both learnt to

lie looking right into their eyes.

If you say you have found solace,

do write a mail about it to me,

or put in a blog post and send me the link.

Will go through them and get back to you.

I must mention this gracious visitor,

from russia,

thank you for your time.

love you.

We all fight our battles,

some visible

others are fought deep inside,

In silence.

the fights that once,

we were willing to die for

Are the ones that we are giving up now.

May we have love

that will make us

whole again.

just to love,

the ones that really matter.

you will find better love.

see you soon.

bittersweet love.

there is more to it than it seems

there are multiple meanings

look underneath the surface

story begins.

The Routine.

2011-05-26T18:04:00.000+05:30

Its begun again,
the routine.
hope this does not end
in a sacrifice,

Voice now,
face later,
social status,
where are you headed this time?

how does it feel to be in the race again?
don't kill yourself like this.

Love fails.

2011-05-08T12:31:00.002+05:30

Its the very nature of love,

To let go.

Cause if it holds on,

Thats only you,

Not the other one.

lies are true.

2011-04-07T08:35:00.000+05:30

Will the road where you
stand and picture him
lead you to him.

does that mean that
we are still friends

now that I know
who you are.

Need a break.

2011-04-07T08:34:00.000+05:30

She's fed up
with the stupidity of this
world

She says that needs
a break

a break from
what I ask.

and she says that
she just wants
to be with her friends
for a while

and so I smile...

and we start talking
about dinner..... :):)

Stenographer (i did not write this, It was written for me by a loved one)

2011-04-05T09:06:00.003+05:30

match the following.
there is a gap
a very slight gap
between
His soul
and my body
and my soul
and his body.

a dream.
a leaf.
catastrophohy.
death.
distance.

note: lack is structural.
diffrence exceeds structure.
what are you doing?
loving you.
I wanna marry a poet.

Silent Helpings.(i did not write this, It was written for me by a loved one)

2011-04-05T09:05:00.003+05:30

I make you wait.

I make you cry

For joy.

I make you sing my lullabies.

LIke a storm in the snow

Like a calm in the warm

Like everything in the muddle of the brain.

Like singing in the sky

The blue evening sky

Enchanting, wonderful evening sky.

Like strength and wonder

And words and time.

Play in language

Words=Meanings attached.

Meanings, shmeanings can go haywire.

I have you.

I make you wait.

And I love you

Smog Rise

2011-03-19T23:15:00.001+05:30

I've found my refuge in a pack of
cigarettes.
I somehow feel that my sorrow transforms
into the smoke i exhale.
is it cool ?
I think not.

she stood in front of the mirror,
looking at herself smoke.
It felt disgusted.
the next thought was about how
mom react if she sees her like this?

all my insecurities are now
satisfied through a light.
In a way I have found my light.

Darkness these days is lit very well,
And the Light is hidden.
so Enlighten.

PS: Smoking is injurious to health.

Of Indecent Goodbyes.

2011-03-08T14:54:00.000+05:30

Like the leaves falling down,

everyone is falling apart.

tales of love,

I have many.

I no longer know

what it means to love though.

many tales of hurt,

too.

one can hurt us,

because I allow them to.

this story ends in a few days.

goodbye.

pain and a bottle.

2011-03-02T10:09:00.000+05:30

On a secluded island where the
sun's about to light the sky,
bright orange.

I write notes on paper
that bleeds.

"Sos sos sos..."

green bottle with a cork.
the sea reflecting the sky,
if only I could escape
from where I am now.

I wish to un-know,
all that operates in me...

10,000

2011-02-28T09:31:00.002+05:30

I am tired of
this number
that pops up from
everywhere
everyday.

now

2011-02-23T06:42:00.001+05:30

all things come to an end
and you are also part of that cycle.
its how the nature is when the old
withers and falls, the new must grow.

you have no idea do you?
I understand why you lost the ring.
it was a cue that i was not able to grasp.
thats ok. I knew that you will do what you
eventually did.
its ok. some people are just empty.
they just cant love.

look at your relationship with your so called
best friends you both hate each other for what
you have done, but there still is a negotiation.
its just sympathy that you share with each other.

if you did not get it,
let me throw some light
meditations are suppose to become a lifestyle
in the sense that it is not about meditating but abut using
that knowledge in our lives.

i hope you find true love.
love you more each day.

a.

the strangeness

2011-02-21T18:43:00.001+05:30

Everything is reduced to memories.
the obvious ones are of the fault that we did
and some of the good you did.

but the question still remains,
why?

I want to redeem you from your misery
I see the sorrow in your eyes and see,
that things are not the same.
its become difficult to be yourself now.

let me preach for a while
I shouted at a friend recently,
when he corrected me.
only to realize that he was true a few hours later.

here is the interesting bit,
the question and the answer
are with in.
you know the truth deep down in your heart.
thats the voice of the One.

yes i have not been able to sleep
for two weeks now.
i think of you most of the days and pray for you too.

Forgiveness is the perfume that we should
use to be fresh and open to hurt.
i am trying my best to be like that.

it was my dads tenth death anniversary,
and that day i was able to cry out
for a long time,
I felt much lighter after that
it was a heavenly feeling.

a.

untitled

2011-02-01T06:47:00.002+05:30

Let silence prevail,
cause if its broken,
I speak too much .
i hear you now
and that's enough...

Optimistically Sad

2011-02-01T06:46:00.001+05:30

I love you with all my
inequities.
with all your inequities too
I love you
why you ask ?
I still dont know.
Dont want to actually...

Just friends.

2011-01-12T10:13:00.000+05:30

Will he ever know?
what she felt,
when for the first time.
She saw him on a
narrow lane
beside college.

No he would not.
he will always
know her as a
friend.
because she wanted it only
to be
"Just friends".

21 conversations

2011-01-01T17:42:00.000+05:30

Coffee cups lying around,
gourmet hall is full of noise
but there is a silence between us,

It has come to this,
that I have to work out
conversations in my head
to start one with you.

I do the math.
though I am weak at it.

and there are 21 conversations
that I could begin.

But I prefer the silence that
we share.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year...

2010-12-23T15:50:00.000+05:30

wish you all a Blessed Christmas and a Peaceful New Year...

love,
abey.

what, why and how?

2010-12-16T07:15:00.002+05:30

Nine demons traveling in the night.
each carrying a story of their own.
they are beyond gender.
does their story mean something.

The demons could not travel
in day light.
and so they decided to rest
on a banyan tree.

about their destination
I dont know,
why do I have to know
everything?

He woke up to a scary dream.
haunted by memories and thoughts.
the feeling of being lonely
kills a person from within.

There was a silence that day
He was walking
and then he saw the banyan tree
which he saw everyday.

something was different about it
today.
he felt something.

the demons wait for you there
to rob you of your believes
so you be safe.
take care.

A random Conversation with none

2010-12-16T07:04:00.000+05:30

Two days on earth
a near death experience
a friend in need
few thoughts about future
a conversation with mom
and life goes on and on

self distorted
friends lost
no I am not alone
I no longer exists
what exists is
a question.

hi,
whats up?
nothing
Ah, thought so.
how are you ?
Fine...

Memory

2010-11-28T20:47:00.000+05:30

How long will you remain?

for many eternities

you whisper

and I want to

forget it

now.

but will

you?

Politically Correct.

2010-11-19T06:43:00.002+05:30

Imagine you were with
him/her and then,
you realize that you
Were just being politically correct.

Think about how depressing
That would be.
I would not say I know
What you are going through.

But you know that it’s said,
There is a newer road that’s
Waiting for you with a lot more of,
Promises and newer disappointments

So darling move ahead,
This is one side of life
There definitely is another one
Which is even more horrifying than this.

So move on from being politically correct.
You can’t let them do this,
Life is more than this
And you should prove it to them.

I am with you ,
No matter what.
I know that’s even more horrifying
But that’s the truth I guess.

I love you…

process of killing the so called (self).

2010-11-12T11:19:00.000+05:30

I have decided to quit facebook. So this would would be my last post that you will be reading. to be in touch my mail id is abey.jy@gmail.com.

Sayonara
abey.

Growing Apart

2010-11-10T23:08:00.001+05:30

new found silence that

talks in many ways

about choices that

break you and me,

into just

you

If that's what you have

decided

good for you

dont know why

i ever

considered

you apart

of me.

Gettin over me...

2010-11-10T06:55:00.001+05:30

I have got over you,
its just me,
that I am taking
time with.

will be there
soon.

Swithfoot- Yet

2010-11-09T08:30:00.000+05:30

Amada played this song for me in the morning and I fell in love with this song :)

All attempts have failed

All my heads are tails

She's got teary eyes

I've got reasons why

I'm losing ground and gaining speed

I've lost myself or most of me

I'm headed for the final precipice

But you haven't lost me yet

No, you haven't lost me yet

I'll sing until my heart caves in

No, you haven't lost me yet

These days pass my by

I dream with open eyes

Nightmares haunt my days

Visions blur my nights

I'm so confused

What's true or false?

What's fact or fiction after all?

I feel like I'm an apparition's pet

But you haven't lost me yet

No, you haven't lost me yet

I'll run until my heart caves in

No, you haven't lost me yet

If it doesn't break

If it doesn't break your heart, it isn't love

No, if it doesn't break your heart, it's not enough

It's when your breaking down with your insides coming out

That's when you find out what your heart is made of

And you haven't lost me yet

No, you haven't lost me yet

I'll sing until my heart caves in

No, you haven't lost me yet

You haven't lost me yet.

Two weeks of vacation...

2010-11-06T23:37:00.001+05:30

I am at a point in my life where I am literally examining everything in my life. Its been a strange journey from who I was to who I am now. I did not do much these days just a tiny bit of reading and a lot of thinking. The concept of temporality has been on my mind for a while. Funny how a person can walk into your life and know you in and out for a year and then claim that your not real enough. it does fundamentally disprove your existence... I wonder how people live that way with so much of hurt inside not being able to feel a thing and move on like nothing happened. I must confess that all these are a result of my own choices. Only I am to blame...

Friends have been a blessing in my life. These days I see so much of selfishness in me and them that I am lost. I dont know whom to believe and whom to not.

Busy bus stand

2010-10-12T08:59:00.002+05:30

I would not call myself lonely

I have the company of the night

Music to make the sorrow sink.

The soul which is lost

Faces that no longer

Mean the same

Memories that are best

Kept inside

Sorrow that cannot

Be passed

I no longer know myself

Forget the other

Thoughts play

With me

I play with myself

The mask is melting

And a spare is missing

Could i be a nameless

faceless being

do i wanna be that?

i don’t know

i just don’t wanna know.

People do love me

But how do i tell them

That the person they love is a

Construct.

I have lost myself

No not the good lost one

Its something that i have no clue about.

will the night let me into

her arms

and let me rest my head

let me live

please i so badly want to…

its not complicated at all

hope i could say that….

will i live to write more

or is this gonna be the end

how will a say a goodbye

to everyone and move on

to my calling

yes Lord you will be my strength

can i trust u on this?

I can and I will.

Rant

2010-10-05T07:30:00.001+05:30

It’s always me,

Is it not?

But from now on,

I will be quiet.

And I will not tell you,

To stop acting like a

Jackass.

Hmm…

Who ?me?

Relient K Hope For Every Fallen Man (Acoustic)

2010-10-02T10:02:00.000+05:30

( to the one looking for answers )

As you push it up through the soil
I will shake your filthy hand
You may be dead to me but that don't mean
We can't be friends

And now it's time to get over this
Long as it's just clear you understand
That I will never trust a single thing
You say again

Because the judge of you
Is someone I could never be
Is why you should thank the Lord
That it is Him and it's not me

But don't give up, it's not the end
There's hope for every fallen man
To pick themselves up when they think they can
Because with every passing second
Comes a second chance, oh, oh, oh

You stole so much from me
And there is nothing left to take
Save a hard learned lesson
On how to not make the same mistake

And you may be delirious
But that is something that will fade
After you confess that this mess is
All something that you made

Oh, because the judge of you
Is someone I could never be
Is why you should thank the Lord
That it is Him and it's not me

But don't give up, it's not the end
There's hope for every fallen man
To pick themselves up when they think they can
Because with every passing second
Comes a second chance, oh, oh, oh

Don't give up, it's not the end
You'll get back on your feet again
Forgiveness can be given when you think it can
Because with every passing second
Comes a second chance, oh, oh, oh

Take a good look at yourself and know
You've got yourself ways to go
But difficult is not impossible
You can take back all the lost control

Take a good look at yourself and see
You'll emerge eventually
As long as your heart's not too far gone
From the only thing that can save you from yourself

Forgiveness can be given when you think it can
'Cause with every passing second
Comes a second chance

Untouched

2010-09-28T06:42:00.002+05:30

Negating from truth

I jump again.

From nothing to nothing.

Silence is all that is left.

Corners of a mind.

2010-09-13T06:39:00.001+05:30

Bright nights,
dark days.
the skies are always blue
and clear.

happiness and love is all around.
I am happy.

how did we grow apart ?
to that question i do have an answer. :)
"-"
never existed.

You get the drill... I don't.

2010-08-25T06:29:00.002+05:30

Lets go for a walk my love,

A walk not to remember,

But to forget

Whatever that happened

Between us.

A walk to acceptance.

I forgive you unconditionally.

Love.

An ode to love

2010-08-16T23:21:00.001+05:30

It was death by choice.

Not by fate

The memories were burnt,

On a footpath.

The road that he chose

Was the one they always

Walked together.

But now He had his friends,

Not one but five.

He let Me do it,

I burnt it with my own hands,

I was burning from the inside.

A part of Him died there,

His true love died.

He has me and he has you.

But his so called love died

and that’s the truth…

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(my friend Georgina's Response)

Death? I think not,

For death is an end

A beginning.

Was it, today,

An end?

I object.

A beginning?

No.

It was helplessness

The physicality,

Trying to make it real.

Was it real?

Did it

What it

Should have?

No part of the being is dead yet

For he is more

Much more,

Only, he doesn't know.

He doesn't want to know.

His True Love?

No.

His lesson.

His rite of passage.

His love is not

Her.

His love is

Him.

Your love

Is You.

I did not read it

Because I did not believe it.

Closure? By fire?

No.

Closure by thought.

Closer to

Closure by

Decision.

What he wants, now he knows.

That is all that matters.

That is really that which matters.

I am not happy

When he is just happy.

I am happy

When he is more than happy.

When he is truly laughing

When he is truly smiling.

When he has overcome

The most painful lessons of life.

When that smile is touched

By the hard hand of life

And that face can speak

Joy

That is true

And blessed

And one that has overcome.

That day is happiness.

Happiness not for today.

Happiness for tomorrow.

Friend,

I hope for you

That life is hard

Now.

Because Tomorrow,

I want you to be

A better,

Stronger,

Bigger

Person.

Not for now.

The ashes scatter in the wind

But

What else has?

The papers burn

But have the words

Faded?

You stamp,

He laughs.

High five,

Hug.

Really?

Is it

Over yet?

name it © hima ( the title is copyrighted by Hima )

2010-08-12T05:15:00.000+05:30

Roads that go around in circles,

A bus with no destination.

that is what life feels like, on a day like this.

impressive is the fact that you still have faith in the world.

as my friend always says

don’t ever lose hope.

hope in what you ask?

yourself i say.

if its a cliff you fear,

go to the edge

and jump

you will learn how to fly,

learn to fly....

weight of the world

2010-08-06T22:52:00.002+05:30

he walks as if the whole world’s

weight is on his shoulders

his head facing the ground

he refuses to smile

even though his name

means joy

my loved one he is,

he knows it well i guess.

human company irritates

him these days

he sinks into his world

eyes closed

i don’t know what’s wrong dear,

or may be i know it.

but soul sharer,

i cannot see you like this...

please get back.

love

your love.

You

2010-08-05T06:32:00.000+05:30

The problem with you,
is there is too much
of me in it.

me as in not me,
but you.

Me

2010-07-31T06:36:00.001+05:30

Invisible

Tears

That no one sees.

When i’m all alone

I cry.

When I think

I cry.

But I won’t

Show you.

My pain is mine

And mine alone.

It pours, under my blanket.

Unprotected from the cold

Within.

My pillow

Doesn’t cushion my fall.

My eyes, tired of seeing,

Closing up, swollen.

The storm that thunders

In my heart

And tears it into

Shattered bits

Like a broken

China doll.

Once beautiful and whole

But part by part

Cut apart.

Piece by piece

Carelessly dismantled...

Who am I now?

Where am I?

Disturb my sleep

Oh wake me up

The nightmares frighten me

The faces come back.

They get me

They take me away

To a place of which I am

Afraid.

Oh fear,

Your slave.

Oh darkness,

Your victim.

Oh love,

Your remnant.

Oh truth,

Your joke.

Me.

( a poem that my friend Georgina Paul wrote find the original post here)

Shutting down...

2010-07-12T09:09:00.001+05:30

do i exist?

do i?

even if i did,
you proved me otherwise.

Talkative

2010-07-05T19:45:00.000+05:30

mind exploding,

lips closed.

a cold silence

which is talkative

in itself.

What is it?

2010-05-13T21:58:00.000+05:30

Silence in the innermost place.
Something is broken,
I don't yet know,
what it is?

Constructions being set right.
letting go of everything.

Peace...

Cloud Watching

2010-05-03T20:55:00.001+05:30

There are angels floating above us.
They change their form
sometime as sheep,
sometime as mermaids,
sometimes just as clouds.
I was at peace staring at them,
such a relief, I tell you.
I think we underestimate the clouds.
they deserve some of our time.
Look at them and see
the glory of the Creator.

Unsmilish ways

2010-04-28T10:49:00.000+05:30

I am not complaining,

Just lying.

Castles were built on hope.

The corner stone is there no more.

Ambi will not like this

Say’s this is too depressing

But what to do this is all that is happening

Like the wind,

Like the moon,

This will always remain.

Over it By Relient K.

2010-04-28T10:07:00.000+05:30

I'll admit to who I am
The day I come to understand
I haven't got a clue
Been searching for a few years now

Well if I don't repeat myself
Then I'll change into someone else
Well I don't quite know who
Been searching for a few years now

I'm over it
Yeah behind me now
I'm just over it
Over it
Yeah I'm finding out
I'm just over it
No I don't know what's over just yet
But I won't go slow and time can let the mind forget
Don't tell me you don't know
Already
(Don't tell me you let go
Already)

I'll protect your universe
Or make a mess to make it worse
Time will only tell
You and no one else so

You say you made up your mind and you've finally decided
But those that helped you choose
Haven't the slightest clue as to the magnitude of what you're about to lose.

( This song is close to describing what i am going Thur now. )

Holistic

2010-03-27T19:36:00.000+05:30

Empty faces,
looking for answers.
lost to an Institution.
Eyes half open,
Mind closed.
Immoral people with a moral being,
I hear the bell ring and
I awake.

Matured Individuals.

2010-03-19T00:43:00.002+05:30

Like a baby eating messy ice-cream.
the individual realized that it was all true.
that no-one could ever understand themselves.

all is done.
but none is well.

I need You the most now.

By my side through it all...

showers of love...

2010-03-16T22:38:00.000+05:30

drenched in love
from morning.

my heart is full
Lord i wanna thank you.

Beautiful ending...

2010-03-14T12:11:00.000+05:30

It was bound to happen,
like death that's inevitable.

but something in me still says
that it is ETERNAL.

Madness has come,
and is here to stay.

what i feel bad about most
is the little sister i lost.

forgiven and loved are you
all the time.

let this end being something that
would remain eternal and everlasting.

Somethings

2010-02-25T06:53:00.003+05:30

They cannot be seen
or said. but they are
always there. you know it
that's how these things are called
somethings.

Pinch.

2010-02-25T06:51:00.000+05:30

In an open space,
Her smile held her together,
as she revealed her inner wounds,
I was shocked by how brutal
men could be.
her strength astonishes me.
but from time to time
she smiles and its her cry,
and sometimes her cry
is her joy.

The Human Vault.

2010-02-23T20:37:00.000+05:30

The past haunts and,

the future blinks.

There is no trace of pain.

on their faces, They have

managed to erase it,

with a mask that

amplifies beauty.

And the journey,

into the fiction

begins.

My Dad

2010-02-13T20:18:00.002+05:30

Today I went to Dad's grave after a long time, and suddenly I felt very happy. I felt so happy that I began to cry. My sister and my brother In law were there. It's going to be nine years that he left us.

Dad I remember only very few things about you and I wish to recall most of them today. The earliest memory, that I have about you are our rides on your cycle to the deer park near our house In Orissa. I remember how you use to carry me on your shoulders I have vague images in my mind. The next memory Is our trips to the barber and how you use to buy me stuff from the bakery and everything else that I demanded, These days there are so many things that I want but you are not around for me to bug you, It’s not that I want them but I want to bug you, I want to be scolded by you. Remember how once for a minor operation the doctor gave me a high dose of anesthesia and I lay in the bed for a whole day. Mom still tells me about your anger when you knew that It was the doctors fault. You barged into his cabin and were about to hit him.

Sunday mornings are a beautiful memory, I did not know how to wear socks and tie shoe lace, Dad you for a long time use to put socks and tie the lace for me. What a brat I was, remember the red car you brought that I broke with In minutes and gave It back to you. Dad you have no Idea how much I missed you for Chichi’s wedding, but I did not want to breakdown that day, did not have time for that. Those walks that we had are my favorite memory of you, you always held my hand and told me stories about your childhood. I wish I could hear those stories again, I don't remember them well enough.

You were always partial to sis because of me and I liked It :). It’s the same even now. You know dad sometimes I wish you were around just to complain about you to my friends. Remember how you use to tell me to buy cigarettes and I use to take my commission from It. Dad I have not told you In a long time but I love you... I wish I knew you better and spent some more time with you, you taught me everything I needed to know before you left. I wonder how life would be If I did not know those things.

Dad you taught me to love people even If that hurts me. you were an example for that. helping people without expecting anything In return, you taught me all I know. I have tried my best to live with these principles. I want to stop now because I can’t cry more.

Dad, thank you for being the best. I love you and oh Happy Valentines Day! You know It’s my special one.

warm regards and love
Abey (kannan)

Numb Eyes.

2010-02-11T07:47:00.000+05:30

How are you so numb my love?
Dont you see the pain in my eyes,
I know you are special,
But Does that mean that you take us all
for granted
I know you have issues so do I,
Why is your heart so closed?
You do what you think is right,
you think you are right.
And now you will say sorry,
but guess what?
I am sorry too.
I had to give up on you,
I truly loved you.

( dedicated to a classmate)

Advent is here..

2009-12-05T06:29:00.000+05:30

Coming is the Son Of God.
to dwell in our Hearts.
Which have become like stables.

come oh Star of Heaven
to be with me.

Silent joy.

scared..

2009-12-01T07:52:00.000+05:30

i made a tough decision today.
i feel crappy about it.

tired

2009-11-27T08:42:00.001+05:30

Lord
I am Tired
of
healing
being just
being genuine
being wrong
wearing masks.

need a place to rest my head
Lord I need you by my side
Cause its only in You that I can
find rest.

An Obsevation.

2009-11-27T08:24:00.001+05:30

My eyes were feasting on her beauty,
and I fell from the cliff,
falling in Love all over again,
I can see the half moon.
It reminds me of her.

I have to share her
with
The Guru
her wifes,
Srk
Mraz

she belongs to the Universe

and I don't know how,
Am I suppose to live with that
how??

Moon rise...

2009-11-25T06:08:00.000+05:30

A baby is being put to sleep
oh it's so cute

have you heard babies
sleep talking?

well i have, and

they are so real.
introspecting the day.

confessing the faults,
oh they are so true...

they are capable to do things,
that will blow you off.

CLass room

2009-11-25T05:58:00.001+05:30

In a desert I stand,
falling face down,
waiting for that drop of rain
that would turn my life around.

I am alienated here
but this is where I belong.
I am love not perfect.
but I am your reflection dear.

You may not like me dear.
I don't mind it.
the lesson that I learnt today,
Is never ever to take attendance.....

2009-11-06T11:30:00.002+05:30

I saw her heavy eyes

And my soul was pierced

Is that what you call

self discovery ?

I am

2009-11-06T09:31:00.013+05:30

I am a hypocrite just like you,
There is nothing special about me.
I know to wear masks just like you,
And run the show.
I can fool people just like you,
And even hurt them.
See we are all very similar.
I let people hurt me,
I enjoy that.
I try my best to heal people,
I know you also do that.
See I am no different than you,
I am ...

Boring I am.

2009-11-03T18:51:00.000+05:30

I know that I am Boring,

Truly, I do.

And I think that's what is the most,

Boring part about me.

It's boring how I talk about,

Boring things that the whole world

Says is boring.

Boring that I am there for you

all the time.

Boring that I listen to you.

Boring that I take all your pain.

Boring that I heal you.

Boring that I care, more for you,

Than me.

Hey that sooo boring I tell you.

Even I am bored now.

Cold Night

2009-10-31T05:52:00.003+05:30

The music is so loud,

That you forget who you are.

It's a temptation that you love

Indulging in.

I don't want to be didactic about this.

It's your Choice.

I know that even darkness makes sense to you,

Now.

But know,

What you are searching is inside you

Not around you.

Mad at me.

2009-10-27T09:31:00.000+05:30

I have a long way to go,

To get there.

She's is on the other side of the world

Nevertheless

She takes care of me.

She hates me now but

That's just taking care of me.

"The rules that apply to me,

Apply to you as well'

So cute.

Sorry.

Gone

2009-10-24T08:45:00.001+05:30

Yesterday is gone.

And so has all the pain and hurt.

Changing roles will not change a thing,

It will only complicate it further.

The master says that commitment gives you,

Comfort in the long run.

And that's why my profile on Orkut says,

That I am committed.

Good bye.

2009-10-20T06:26:00.000+05:30

I have been holding on to you,

It’s time to say good bye,

I search for words that would comprehend,

What you mean to me.

I can’t find any…

You are my universe.

Language has been commercialized

Like everything else.

……………………………………………………………

Good bye.

Angel of death

2009-10-17T10:45:00.001+05:30

She is the most beautiful angel,

I have ever met.

I met her on my bed.

She was waiting on me.

It was a cold night,

I could hardly breathe.

The was something different about this

Silence.

It was joyous yet painful.

She said "come let's go"

I enquired "where?"

"Home" came the answer.

I knew it was time to go,

To my eternal Home.

I asked her could I make a call.

She said "take your time"

I went looking for my phone

And it was missing.

Then I woke up,

And guess what?

I not gonna go anywhere!!

You can't get rid of me that easy.

I am Abey aka Guardian Angel.

Lost

2009-10-15T11:51:00.002+05:30

I lost my innocence today,

She said that it’s a phase;

Have you felt hammered to earth?

I felt it today.

I don’t blame anyone,

I am Happy,

For I lost it

to find You for forever.

Heart attack.

2009-10-14T08:51:00.001+05:30

What do you do?

When the tower that you are seeking shelter,

Begins to shake, the inn keeper threats to throw you out.

Wont you feel like you’re a burden?

Wont you thank God for loving you?

Wont u wish to end the kind of life you have?

But the interesting bit is that ,

I still can smile :)

There is a wet patch of tears on the pillow.

I think I don’t deserve the little peace,

I think I deserve.

Loving Lord guide me through it all,

Cause you have only taught me to Love,

Not that I follow you that sincerely.

But still Lord be by side.

Help me to love.

Wet Campus

2009-10-13T07:16:00.004+05:30

Everything in the college is wet,

From the buildings to the trees.

Three souls walk by on the alleyway.

Everything thing is fine.

Don’t know after how long

this happened ,

But for a minute

I was happy…

I just want you to know,

Thank you. I love you too.

Dealership

2009-10-13T07:05:00.000+05:30

Love is a crime,

and we will be punished for it.

it's a bed of roses I assure you,

But don't you forget that roses

have thorns.

it's only when we begin to roll

that we realize that it pricks.

I don't know how to handle this,

or should I even handle this ?

Love is real, and it just gets

Better/worse by the day.

And everything else is worthwhile,

The deal is to "Love till it hurts no more".

Feast of the Holy Rosary..

2009-10-07T19:07:00.000+05:30

Its after a long time that I am writing about the Rosary on my blog. Mother Mary has been my mother, girlfriend and a lot more in the time of need. Its her love that makes me accept a lot of people in my life. Today is the feast of the Holy Rosary. Its was nice as i went to mass today i could strongly feel the love of my Mother Mary for me. It has somehow slipped my mind that it was the feast today. As the priest during the mass told about the Feast, there was a new insight that I got for the gospel reading from Luke today. Imagine an angel of GOD visits you and greets you what would your reaction be. Well personally I would feel honored and would be at the top of the world. I would be scared though. But look at how mother Mary responds to the angel, Luke says that she was troubled with the words of the angel and wondered what that greeting could mean. How many times do we wonder what God's is actually telling us.
Her acceptance to God's will brought her a very bad image in the society and in front of Joseph. But she knew that it was for a greater plan.

Lord in your time reveal the greater plans you have for us.. Amen.

SRK lives on.

2009-10-06T22:04:00.000+05:30

That's true
that you love Him,
more than me.
And I can't compete.
Cause I don't want to.
If you think its the next best choice
Go for it.

Stranger

2009-10-06T22:00:00.005+05:30

As you lay your head,
on the bed.
I want you to know
that I am dead.

It was a murder of the
most brutal kind.
the weapons used were
words from different sides.

I told you so many times,
not to take me up the
mountain top, and push me off
from there.

And now I am falling
I am falling,
falling in Love with you,
all over again...

OCT 2nd

2009-10-03T12:36:00.000+05:30

wakin early is in the past;
there is this dream from which
I dont want to wake up.

up in the sky you rest i know
the promise that you,
take care of from there
moves me on.

I feel like a gaint today,
like a dream come true
the feeling of standing at his
grave and informing him abt
things that he dreamt is more than Awesome.

I am still as clueless as i was before
but there is this joy that is bubbling all over.

like the fish knowing that,
the pond is a small place
decides to be happy about it.
the fish knows about the adventures of the Sea
but that doesnot stop the fish from being happy.

I think that its a luxury being able to
tell yourself: "certain luxuries are not for me"
and for now
I rest.

Healing.

2009-09-19T09:58:00.001+05:30

Its easy,
not as complicated
as we make it.

It only takes Unconditional Love
and trust in the Lord.

The heavens open up,
in our heart.

Its not a big experience,
Its just a quiet realization.

and only you would know,
that it happened.
and that nothing would remain,
the same ever again.

Two missing's..

2009-09-19T09:52:00.000+05:30

I miss You.
yes I do.
because its
when you are
not wit me
that my world
stops.
its like a camera
in slow motion for eternity.
But I still feel happy inside
thinking about You..

I will miss you
yes i would
you have been in my world
from the beginning.
you made me who I am today,
Taking that extra burden to see that
I am comfortable, Even if that meant to
sacrifice your freedom,
i don't know,
what my world will be when ur gone,
you would transcend from being mine
it would give me immense JOY and HAPPINESS.
I believe that this joy would make up for my misery,
I would be happy because you are Happy.

I know do i ?

2009-09-19T09:38:00.001+05:30

I know, yes i know.
that you are different
and so am I.
but cant this difference
unite us,
for joy
which would transcend
all that we have ever experienced.

I den tity.

2009-09-19T09:32:00.000+05:30

The color of kum-kum scares me,
it resembles a culture to which I am alien.
i don't know whether I will
ever be able to belong here.
Its not because I belong somewhere else.
its because I don't know,
where I belong?

Creative University.

2009-09-19T09:25:00.000+05:30

The Campus echo's the man made noise,
Its like the buildings here have life.
The nature inside it has become so artificial,
that everyone is confused in their role plays.
The jungle of books here is a very knowledgeable space,
But this space is often empty.
The routine doesn't allow anytime for creative minds.
it all comes down as a semesters rush.
I don't know where we are heading to.
its highly subjective says my mind,
But then, is not subjectivity
subjective in itself ?
space plays roles of its own
You and I are bound by it.
The systems in place I know
But can we beat it on our own?
The only hope is in You and Me.
the paper bleeds as we create our works
I don't know how this is creative though.
the times near and i have to end
cause exams examine and the drama ends.

Love it Seems...

2009-08-23T09:25:00.000+05:30

This is not a negotiation.

We are talking about Human lives,

How can they buy and sell love??

It’s not even remotely logical.

The options we have are few, I agree;

But to force us into something is not the option.

How can money replace love?

Or I fear has money replaced love already?

The answers to all these Questions

Depend on you,

That’s why I love you.

Rituals

2009-08-21T22:01:00.001+05:30

Commercial love likes rituals

And so did our love, like rituals.

The ritual was being painfully honest,

about everything we knew.

Compromise has always been there but also a question about its relevance.

Rituals symbolise a lot culturally and religiously.

I believe that our ritual unites us in a mutual understanding.

It would be a too much to ask to understand each other perfectly,

So why waste time in understanding.

Oh sorry did I miss Sam!

Painfully truthful facts

2009-08-21T21:05:00.005+05:30

“This post is not to hurt any of my friends and dear ones. This post is here because this is what I have been feeling for a while now. This is here because I cannot take it any longer and just wanna get it out of my system. Please don’t ask me questions after reading this post. It’s not about you this is just what I am feeling now”

This is been happening every now and then these days that I have been feeling all hollow and empty inside. It feels as though something is missing. No one understands or even bothers; it seems it’s been like that for all eternity now. It’s not easy when the people whom you trust and love so dearly act like strangers. You can just love people all your life but would never bother; it’s like trying to fill a black hole. What’s worse is when you hear bad news about your best friend from a third person who was not even in a picture sometime ago. I am not blaming that person. My dear friend I have always been truthful to you to whatever is happening in my life it’s not that I expect you be the same but not telling me that you were planning to end your life now that’s stuff that I have the right to know about.

For some reason I am missing dad like crazy, I don’t know the reason why? Every other person that I think would understand misunderstands so beautifully that there is nothing else to explain. In the end it’s just me standing all by myself on some lonely road. For the first time in my life I am feeling tired of loving people. People demand love but when it’s time to give it to others they are stingy. I know that even I fall under that category. But right now all I need is some rest. I believe since a have finished writing this I would be able to sleep properly after a week now.

God bless.

Abey.

"....."

2009-08-19T05:56:00.001+05:30

Rest in me .

Close your eyes.

Don’t think

Its fine darling

You know all of this

Why is that you are still,

Holding on.

I will always be there .

But it’s not about me

it’s about us...

The Divine's Conflict and Authority..

2009-07-24T19:24:00.003+05:30

“It would not be fair if I would not mention The Divine in the very beginning, as it turns out She is the only one who has been by my side through all this.

It was in the corridors of my college, during the lunch breaks, that I began to first notice her. She was like a bird in the air that had no worries in the world. It was just then, that I was beginning to understand that we were all stuck in a kind of a system. This system was commanding, demanding, and placed people in boxes they couldn’t get out of. It was easy for me to get along with the system; I was Authority. I would always stand by the system, defend it and uphold its’ necessity to live together as a human race, in spite of the fact that it put people in boxes. But Conflict was not like that. She could never understand why one was supposed to live in boxes. She was free, and she didn’t succumb to the comfort of any system. She would do what she wanted, and did just what her heart asked her to do. To live, she believed, all one needed was love.”

Authority was attracted towards Conflict in a way that Words could not describe. Futilely, they tried, “Conflict moved in and out of his life, like a giggling stream gushing through a tall, proud and silent mountain. The mountain was old and wise, and had seen much wear and tear. It stood still, endearing through the centuries, in open display of it’s strength and awareness. The stream nevertheless seemed to surge with a force that was simple and non-wanting, free and happy in the celebration of it’s existence.” What disappointed Words most about themselves was that they always had to resort to metaphors to explain the most mundane experiences that everyone seemed to have from time to time. Authority, however, believed that no Words could describe the experience he had when he saw Conflict for the first time. The closest he could do was to say that it was an experience of a lifetime… in a single heartbeat. He said even that didn’t do justice to what he felt then.

Authority had never seen anyone so beautifully free, and healed; all the people around him always had complains to offer. Nobody liked the system, and the first person they went to whine to was Authority. So Authority was like the silent spectator who watched everyone from a distant height, like a passenger in an airplane, watching the small houses and cars, little toys for Her to play with. He knew why people were the way they were, and behaved the way they did, and tried to fill the holes in all their boxes, as non-verbally and invisibly as possible, like a secret guardian angel; like Santa Claus on Christmas day, working very hard to smuggle presents secretly into kids’ rooms. Conflict was different. She stood among the boxes, and sometimes, just sometimes, the holes in the boxes got filled naturally.

Authority was a very sure-footed person. He knew when he had to do what he had to do, and chose to do everything that he did. And so, he chose to love Conflict. Authority was a stubborn person, and stuck to what he said, no matter what. So, when he had to choose to love someone, it was a matter of deep concern. This was the longest time Authority had ever taken to come to a decision, but Conflict had forced him to think. So, he put in a lot of deep mysterious thought into it, and for several days, was unsure of what he must do, before he decided that he would choose to love Conflict.

But there was another She in his life that Authority had to contend with. “She would need convincing,” he thought. The Divine was not an easy task to handle, and She might want to remain the only person in Authority’s life. But when he dialled her number to ask her permission during prayer, She said that She was okay with Authority loving Conflict so much for a while, and that She wouldn’t mind taking a backseat in his life. With that, Authority made his decision final. He would love Conflict for the rest of his life.

Authority was in love for a while now. Everyday, he would come to speak to her in the corridor, and they would spend a minute or two in each other’s presence, quiet and content, smiling at themselves and the world - the world beyond systems. But he did not know how to tell her that he loved her. He did not know how to tell her that he wanted to marry her, and spend the rest of his life with her. One lunch break, when they were standing like that, on the corridor, Authority finally decided he had to say it. “The Divine is with me,” he thought, and said, to a very surprised and overwhelmed Conflict. “Will you marry me?”

Conflict did not know what to say. She remained quiet for a while, and began to blush a little. Flustered, and thoroughly pink in the face, she scrambled around for Words, but they refused to listen to her call just then. “I’m a lot more trouble than I’m worth,” said Conflict, trying to dissuade Authority into doing something that was against his very idea of existence. But Authority was stubborn and stood his ground. He would not allow any compromises in his world view. “But I am that compromise,” cried Conflict. “Without me, your ship can sail in peace from one destination to another. With me in it, you can only be bound in one direction.”

“What’s that?”

“Confusion,” she replied and walked away.

Conflict was a little worried and concerned about Authority. In the beginning, she thought he was kidding. But once she realized that this was a matter of serious concern, she tried to tell him calmly and patiently, that it would not work between them, because there was someone else in her life. Authority was not rattled. He continued to pester her, and told her that he would wait, his whole life for Conflict, if need be.

Conflict considered what he said very seriously. She had been with Contradiction for a long time now, and life had become painfully complicated. By now, she knew Authority well, and did not want to break his heart. He was a really sweet person, and Conflict did not want to become a part of his life and build tornadoes there. But one day, just before lunch break ended, Authority walked up to her and said, “I know I’m supposed to love the Divine the most in the world. But now, she’s taken a backseat.” “Why” asked Conflict, baffled by this sudden piece of information, internally hoping and waiting, wondering if she was the answer, “Because you’ve taken that space.”

That evening, when Conflict went home, she knew she was in a serious problem. She could handle Contradiction, because there was always a way out; always some premise that would form the basis for her argument of escape; but with Authority, no such thing existed. It was always all or none. “You will never find anyone who loves you so much. Let him love you; All you need to do is be loved,” she told herself. Maybe she’d find peace with Authority by her side, guiding her unsure footsteps efficiently. Maybe Authority was the best thing that was ever to happen to her. So the next day, she walked up to Authority, looked straight into his eyes, and told him she’d marry him.

So for two whole weeks, Conflict remained with Authority. And as was her custom, she stole all the strains of his heart, fixed his box and healed him. Consequently, Authority placed his heart in hers, and removed all traces of Contradiction, making her whole and healthy again. They had a pleasant time, invigorating each other’s life with that complimentary stroke of completeness, and competing with each other to love the other one more.

Then, suddenly, on the saturday of the second week, Conflict realized that she couldn’t be with him anymore. “I’m Conflict,” she said, “I can only stay with people if they excite me every second. With you, there’s always peace. How can I stick to one authority when I should be everywhere? Let me go. I can not belong with you.”

Authority was shocked. How could Conflict want to leave him like this? He would ask Her. Maybe She had answers. So he dialled her number in prayer again, and asked, “I thought you were setting everything right. What happened?”

“I was,” said the Divine. “But I am too possessive of you. I have bigger plans for you. And frankly, your worlds are different. You’re premises are different.”

“Is this how you planned this to be?”

“Every bit.”

“Then let thy will be done.” And Authority was about to walk away, when She said, “You do know I’m on your side.” “Yes, I do.” There was a stillness in his voice, the colour of steel, that even the Divine did not dare provoke. She remained silent thereafter.

Authority wondered if he could hold on to her, for one more second of one more day, just to see how it felt, to be with her. In the end, he gave in. Like Shiva allowed Ganga to flow down to Earth from the top of his head, Authority let go of Conflict, so she was free to roam the world and create havoc all the time.

Breaking systems, Conflict continued to jump from one life into another, full of peace and vibrancy, while Authority remained still and silent, now healed by Conflict, loving her to eternity.

Happy :) :) :)

2009-05-17T16:08:00.002+05:30

It’s been an amazing weekend. I attended the 7th anniversary of the night vigil. After a long time I had a beautiful experience of the Lord. Loved the music was very different from the usual way. The night vigil has been a one of the most powerful ministry of the Lord in Bangalore. Love and grace moving in a beautiful way very Saturday. I am on cloud 9 wit the Lord J J J …

A lonely Road...

2009-01-23T22:13:00.000+05:30

My frist entry of the year 2009 .. I was all ready to go college today when the phone rang and i heard the news that one of dad's friend passed away. Mom is leaving to native tommrrow morning.

these days Abey is a bit lost i dont know where and why ? but he is... Its a mystery..

books i am reading !

Freud : The Psychopathology of everyday life.
Don Piper: 90 minutes in Heaven.
Jung for beginners.
Paulo Coelho : the Witch of Portobello.
Hard times..

AbeyneSS!!

2008-11-14T22:44:00.000+05:30

Another beautiful day today in college By the Lords grace every thing is fine in the university. Got a message from a friend that the Lord only needs A sincere Heart and does not need big people.
I am all excited as that went straight inside to ma heart (yes i have one ) ;) praying that the Lord shows wat it meant and its nice to get messages from friends ,in a way u feel that the Lord is Good to give nice friends like these.

Other than this have been a kinda held up working for the campus meet coming up in jan. Please do keep in in ur prayers. The new semester in the college is really hectic have a one act festival coming up lot of work to be done. Pls do keep me in urs prayers ..

Thank u Lord for ma Friends had a good time wit them today !!
God Bless US !!!!!

ITs long I have written !!!

2008-07-13T15:46:00.000+05:30

been really long that i wrote some thing here almost 3 weeks now ..FEP is keeping me busy ..Lot of friends leaving town and many new friends ,in a wired situation now .Mixed Emotions is all i can describe it as ..Lot of assignments to be done .. 84 clicks here is really impressive .. would appreciate if u guys left comments also .. Well today was an amazing day like every other Sunday
had fun in the church .. The Gospel was mind Blowing ...the seed thing u know .. was thinking abt it and got nice personnel insights .. I thank God for giving this opportunity to live ..I i have so much to do was watching tv till now and thought to write something on the blog ..and so switched the comp on and did this..

First DAy aT cOLleGe

2008-06-16T19:53:00.000+05:30

oh ! man first DAy at college was amazing.. Met a lot of people .. It is good to be in Christ College ..
was also a busy day, met a lot of new people .. my class is very nice ..
full of chatter boxes .People in my class just love to talk like me .. it was really impressive to meet such a bunch of enthu guys and girls .. Had a bit fun time wit the LORd also ....HE is made my day so good ...it feels nice .... I am still trying to get their names by heart .. i believe i will take some time...

THANK U LORD !!!

JUST BEEN BACK FROM HELL !!!

2008-06-12T22:15:00.000+05:30

Well no one will believe want i just went through in this last 4 or 5 days ...My life has taken a major turn .. I was doing my B.C.A. and now i am joining Christ College for FeP (Communicative English ).
And then it was a rollercoster ride .. and now i do not know i am alive today seriously makes me see how God still stands besides me .. He seriously is a COOL guy and i am so greatful to HIM ..Then today i filled in the application form and it a was accepted.. almost become a Christite ..

its a good feeling and i take it as a challenge to do good here !!.

IN THE WELL!

2008-06-09T20:25:00.000+05:30

my state now is like the song below .....

SAVE A PLACE FOR ME

Don't be mad if I cry
It just hurts so bad sometimes
'Cause everyday it's sinking in
And I have to say goodbye all over again
You know I bet it feels good to have the weight of this world off your shoulders now
I'm dreaming of the day when I'm finally there with you

Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon

I have asked the question why
But I guess the answer's for another time
So instead I'll pray with every tear
And be thankful for the time I had you here
And I wanna live my life just like you did
Make the most of my time just like you did
And I wanna make my home up in the sky
Just like you did
Oh, but until I get there
Until I get there

LORD LORD !!

2008-06-01T22:52:00.000+05:30

Todays a Sunday and i went for the morning mass and attended the youth meeting it was good to meet friends after a long time .Today's gospel was nice made me think a lot because its a warning for people like me who are always with the word of God on their lips but fail to obey it . I was wondering abt the possibility of me reaching heaven and i don't see any frankly talking ... it was nice to be in the youth group basically doing nothing but being with them is in itself a time which makes me think about GOD and how HE is among us in an invisible way ..

i am sure that whenever we gather in HIS name he is always wit us but we fail to feel his presence in our lives . Imagine u have a friend and u don't speak to Him often and only run to Him to get things done from Him . How bad must he feel seeing that ur only using him for ur Selfish reasons where as he is a person who has thought only good things for u and offers a complete life full of joy and peace but i dont know why we always want to run away from him without even giving HIm a chance ??my only request will be to give HIm a chance and aloow the creator to take control because he made us he will know us the best . HE will exactly give us wat we can bear and would always be by our side .

the TASKMaster !!!!

2008-05-28T17:52:00.000+05:30

As i sit here and type there is a interview going on a person going for fulltimership is being questioned about his commitment for a year and i am wonder struck BY the answers i hear!!! There has always a big thing that i struggle in ma life that is my problem of PRIDE ... Which i am struggling wit , rather face everyday . the people who r taking the commitment r very close to me and are my best friends i know them now for sometime and respect them a lot for this great step that they r taking in their life !! It's only by the grace of God that they r able to take such a decision in their life's... praying for them .

Abt the problem of pride that i mentioned earlier i found a litinay of humility that really helps to overcome my pride ..i am attaching it here with .

its my wallpaper now and is a very nice prayer ..

Group that studies!!!!

2008-05-27T19:57:00.000+05:30

Today a great day once again !!
went to college after a long time and studied for sometime a good feeling abt the exams .

As u guys know i am an addict to Christ and i try to follow him every day of my life well its demanding , and a lot of times i fall down but the important thing is to get back up again and to follow him no matter what .. if there is a reason that i am still in Christ its because i fall down and and can still walk back to Him ... just amazing to be His child !!!

This image reminds of how he boosts me up every day !!!!!!